Speechless

It was a beautiful day today in New York City, so I put on the shock wig and phony beard and set out to be among the little people. Stopping to lunch at a local restaurant with a sidewalk cafe, I opted to dine alfresco.

Shortly thereafter a group of three college-aged kids came and sat nearby. As an advocate of and contributor to Overheard in New York I didn’t actively try to not hear anything they said. And while I didn’t pick up anything I would bother submitting, I did glean that they were kids from Maryland in the city for the day (probably to see Rent) and obviously on a budget.

Now…life has been good to me, so I brought the waitress over and handed her a note that said “Add the tab for those three kids to my bill,” adding “If they ask who? tell them an anonymous New Yorker.”

As feel good a story as you will ever hear, n’est pas? Well unless you are dealing with a complete moron of a waitress.

Somehow she thought I was referring to the three, annoying, children 40 feet away on the complete other side of the restaurant…behind me(!) that were eating with their mother before heading to Yankee Stadium, no doubt in a luxury box. Her excuse? “When someone says kids that’s what I think.”

Alas not only was it was too late for me to cancel this horrible error with the wrong table but it was too late for me to add the tourist kids regardless. I was steamed, yet maintained my cool. (Though the shock wig did start to slip.) When I tried to explain my intent to the moron, she replied “Oh, that would be nice, being a college student myself.” Really? D’ya think?

I will not be naming this awful restaurant as I do not wish to publicize my appearance. Though it is highly unlikely that I would ever darken their doorstep again.