My apologies are extended wholeheartedly to all the fans of Traveler Bill Industries regarding the lack of updates on the Official Bill-og. In particular, T.B.I.L.-Acolyte 3rd Class “The Hud.” “The Hud” was bemoaning the dearth in a comment to the last entry. Well daub away your tears “The Hud’, a brand new entry appears at your request.———————————–
As you might have heard the Brooklyn Botanical Garden recently cleared out the Bonsai Room to make way for a rare bloom, the mythical Amorphophallus titanium, or as it is typically referred to in the media, the Corpse Flower! was on display at the BBG earlier this month. Not confident that I would be able to attend without causing a ruckus, I called upon my bumpkin identical cousin, Wandrin’ Will to attend in my stead and document the occasion for Traveler Bill Industries. What follows is his account, as told to [REDACTED 4/28 BY TRAVELER BILL]:
Well howdy there folks, it sure has been a long time since I done writ anything for Traveler Bill. I ain’t much for the written word. I’s more of a spoken word artiste. But when my identical cousin Traveler Bill done call, I knew that come hell or high water, I’s come a runnin. And when he told me what he wanted I was mighty excited. I ain’t never been to a city but once before and I’s never, ever been to a “Suburb.” It were only a short ride on the underground locomotive to Brooklyn and a short walk from the depot to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. From what I gathered from the MTA map it’s convenient to at least two lines of this “Sub Way.”
At only $5 the Brooklyn Botanical Garden is a fair value. While they aint got acres of land, theys got purdy manicured lawns, a Japanese pond with some of the strangest colored fish I ever done seen outside a pet store and a path that honors such Brooklyn luminaries as
George Gershwin and Bernie Koppel. Walkin’ the grounds I got a might misty thinking of the humble tumble weed of my home. They sure would appreciate the lush land that supports all variety of shrubs and brush.But I were here to see the Corpse Flower. They had it separated out in its own room. A guard on each door and a velvet rope to protect it from the gawking herd. On camera*, for effect, I said I smelt it, but to be completely honest, the worst thing I smelt in that there room was the Hai Karate or turpentine one of the guards was wearing. My guess as part of a “Best offense is a good defense” maneuver. I tried to stage a photograph but I just couldn’t hold my Kodak Brownie to take a picture of me and the flower. One of the attendants kindly offered to take the picture. And while I tried to convey to her that I wanted to frame it as though I was right next to the flower, smellin’ it, she apparently could not grasp my very basic instructions. As a result, I look like I’s introducing the Corpse Flower as my date at a square-dance.
On my way out a photographer from Bloomberg News done asked me fer my name, sayin’ it were for a caption. Struck dumb, I panicked and gave a fake name. Well, not so much fake as the name of the VP of Consumer Affairs of Traveler Bill Industries. Some people say we look alike, but just I don’t see the resemblance.
UPDATE 8-25:
*A short film was edited from the raw footage provided and uploaded to YouTube.com
Where I can read the Corpse Flower’s recollection of Will’s emissions?
I wonder whether arthrophallus will re-bloom before this blog is updated.
OMG that is an INCREDIBLE OFFER!!! OMG Bill you are so lucky! It’s like getting $500 in cash, FOR FREE! Only it’s not cash, but, still, WOW!